Dave Tindall St Mellion blog

Last updated: 9th November 2009

Sunday 7th June

19.00

Flight from Leeds down to Plymouth (via Bristol) is delayed an hour. Take the chance to watch a bit of the Twenty20 cricket in the airport lounge and read an interesting front page story about 'Twitter' in Time Magazine. Three thoughts are running through my head as I head off to St Mellion. 1) Will I make an idiot of myself in the press golf competition? 2) Can Tiger (I've tipped him at 16/5) come from four shots down and win the Memorial? 3) Who will win the final of The Apprentice? I can't believe I'm going to miss it so I hope this two-day golf jolly to St Mellion is worth it.

2015

We're in the air. I kept glancing across at another bloke in the check-in queue, thinking I half knew him and that maybe he's on this trip too. Turns out he's thinking the same and he makes the first move with an "are you Dave?" when we're sat together on the plane. It's Will Spence from National Club Golfer magazine and, yes, he's off to St Mellion too. We spend the journey talking about football and relationships.

2235

We're picked up at Plymouth airport by Regan Bailey - St Mellion's business development manager. Like all the staff I'm set to meet over the next few days, she's very bright and breezy and informs us they've held open the Drinks & Barbecue welcome to accomodate late arrivals. Result. I'm starving. One press fella's clubs have been lost in transit.

2255

We arrive at the brand spanking new St Merrion International Resort Hotel - an 80-bedroom four-star creation where we're the V.I.G.Ps - Very Important Guinea Pigs - says Resort Director Stephen Towers. "Set in 450 acres of stunning Cornish countryside, I believe St Mellion International Resort is now the perfect destination for both business and pleasure in the South West of England," says Stephen. Not to my face; I'm copying his blurb in the press release. Dump my bags (room looks excellent) and head to the St Piran terrace for some grub.

2330

Meet up with Golf365 colleague Matt Cooper who is deep in conversation when I arrive. Not so a couple of hours earlier when he sat down at an eight-seat table and had to eat solo for a good 10 minutes before anyone joined him. I'm plonked next to Mike - the golf course manager. I tell him the only golf I've played since 2004 is three rounds of nine holes at a little place near me - all in the last month. He looks concerned when I tell him my handicap is about 24 - the maxium allowed in the stableford format we'll be playing on the Jack Nicklaus Signature course in tomorrow's golf press day. "Good luck" he says laughing. I let out one of those embarrassed laughs that are too loud.

2345

The bar is an explosion of chinos and woollen jumpers as most of the 50 or so press attending the relaunch of St Mellion are in their late 40s, 50s and over. However, these press boys have some fascinating tales to tell and they're probably wondering why I'm wearing a buttoned up Fred Perry and Gola trainers. Here's an interesting observation though. When it comes to discussing golf betting and trying to pick a winner pre-tournament, I find many of the UK press deal in unchallenged lazy assumptions and are, putting it kindly, sketchy about what happens each week on the US Tour (e.g. my comment that Steve Stricker should go well in the US Open was poo-poohed on the basis that his form has tailed off. Erm, he won last week). Most of my betting discussions are done on a specialist internet forum where the level of analysis from a combination of pro punters, bookies and stats gurus is, quite frankly, extraordinary and often leaves me in awe. Talking of betting, I'm now quite fraught about how Tiger is getting on so Will from National Club Golfer calls up the scoreboard on his phone. Get in! Tiger has won by a shot after a stunning birdie at the last. That's Mrs T's expensive haircut paid for. As I have a four-week old baby girl, I've had a month of broken sleep so just after midnight I slip away for some shut-eye.

Monday 8th June

0845

Slept like a log. Very comfy bed although I was that tired I reckon I could have got eight hours' kip on top of a camel. After an invigorating power shower and a quick tidy up of my toiletry bag (I'd suffered a beard explosion on the plane when my electric razor had sprung open emptying several weeks' shaving all over the place) I head to officially register and eat a casual breakfast in the Nicklaus boadroom. I'd have been happy with a bowl of cornflakes to be honest but there's a certain level of style to be maintained so the offer is a selection of canopes. I only recognise about 40% of canope food but I know a bacon roll when I see one although I have to pilfer seven of the things as they're that small and delicate. Cleverly I visit three different waitresses in a 3-2-2 split to disguise my gluttony.

1030

It's the press launch presentation. These things can be boring if they're dragged out too long but this one strikes just the right tone. First up is Aussie businessman Jeff Chapman, who personally funded the £20m investment programme at the Resort. He looks like a former tennis player who won a couple of Grand Slams (John Newcombe perhaps) and actually his CV tells us he was an Aussie Rules footballer with Melbourne. Times golf writer Bill Elliot says later in the Q&A that "it's nice to meet a benevolent Aussie". Jeff chuckles. "That's a bit strong. You help me, I'll help you," he replies, a reminder that he wants us press to write some nice things and spread the word about St Mellion. From everything I've seen so far it's not hard to write nice things and that feeling is endorsed after further comments from Stephen Lewis (Chief Executive of Crown Golf - the UK's largest golf club owner/operator) and Stephen Towers (Resort Director). The presentation is chaired by Andy Hiseman whose PR and marketing agency put this press day together. You might be hearing a lot more about this man. He's one of the driving forces behind PowerPlay golf - the new-nine hole form of the game with two flags on every green and where points mean prizes. It's a little bit hush hush at the moment but there are some bold plans in place to bring PowerPlay - golf's version of Twenty20 cricket - to TV. As Andy and his colleague Andy Wool inform me during some fascinating chats, watch this space!

11.30

I have a tee-time - 1.50pm. My fourball consists of Matt (Golf365 colleague) Cooper and a couple of chaps called Colin Jenkins and Rohan Barnett from Golf Range News. Over lunch (more canope stuff although it's extremely tasty - especially the chocolate pudding) I get to meet Colin and Rohan and, secretly, I'm hoping they're a bit rubbish at golf like me so I won't be shown up. I throw out a casual "what do you play off Colin" and get the alarming response of "scratch". Sh*t. It turns out that Colin is an ex-pro who played at this course in 1983 when it hosted The Tournament Players Championship of Europe. To my relief Rohan is a 20-handicapper so maybe Colin is the odd one out rather than me given that Matt is off 15. The conversation then turns to betting and - look away now if you're a serious gambler or mathematician - Colin tells me about how he used to win at roulette by using a system that if four successive reds came up he'd back black. I'm screaming inside to point out that he's talking absolute nonsense (the odds of getting red or black remain the same whatever the previous spins are; a roulette wheel has no memory) but instead I try to point out that I once tried a system involving physics whereby you could track the 'signature' of a particular croupier because they would spin the ball round the wheel at the same speed and you could guess which, say, third of the grid it would drop in. I mention the phrase 'muscle memory' and Colin is just as appalled as I was at his bogus maths-based system as he claims it doesn't exist. We call it a draw.

1300

The nerves are kicking in now. Am I about to disgrace myself, my family and the good name of golf365.com? Surely my lack of golf will catch up with me especially as I used to shoot 20 or so over even in my pomp. I head to the range with Matt and hit a mixture of decent shots and shanks. I can hear Mike's "good luck" chuckle in my head as I attempt to take on the mighty St Mellion in a fourball featuring an ex-pro.

1350 - the front nine

Perhaps it's the bar of chocolate (thoughtfully placed by staff) in my golf buggy that helps calm me down. I always get a bit peckish during rounds and I've forgotten to bring any sort of sugar rush with me so am glad to see some at my fingertips. The tee-shot at the first is a blind drive and after watching three good opening whacks I manage to put club on ball and get one away quite well, even though it goes a little high. Then I manage to nail an approach with my Nike hybrid which just comes up short of the green. Relieved that I've not spent the first hole looking in bushes, I maybe drop my guard and shank my 20-yard chip into a bunker. I'm hopeless from sand so I'm shocked and amazed to splash one out to a couple of feet (drawing a "lovely shot" from ex-pro Colin). I hole the putt and, under the stableford scoring system, that's a net par and +2pts. Then something weird happens. Rather than a brief moment of glory this first hole acts as a springboard and for the next seven holes - on my level - I play out of my skin. Three pars (one of them a net eagle) and a few more bogeys gives me a stableford score of 19pts after eight holes and it should have been more given that I find the green with my tee-shot at the short par 3 fourth but putt off the green and end up taking a six. With 37pts proving the winning score and 32pts securing second, having 19pts after 8 holes clearly put me in with a chance. Then it all went wrong.

The back nine

The warning signs were there when I shanked my tee-shot onto an adjoining fairway at 8. On that occasion I managed to chip onto the green and two-putt for a bogey, net par but on this second nine the tight Nicklaus Signature course won't let me get away with it and I end up losing ball after ball. At the 11th we get the chance to beat the pro and land our tee-shots nearer to the flag than the expert manages. On the tee there's a little tent with free hot drinks and bananas and whilst downing a cup of tea I notice that a journalist in one of the previous groups is called, no word of a lie, Minty Clinch. It puts me off my stroke and I slice one straight right into a bush. Fantastic name. Terrible shot. As my game unravels Colin encourages me to give my Nike SQ DYMO Driver a whirl (for the front nine I'd been hitting my Nike Hybrids so well I'd not bothered with the big fella as I just can't seem to make decent contact). Colin advises me to tilt my spine angle back and take up a position like an archer, thus encouraging me to hit upwards rather than down and get into a more powerful striking position. I've never had a lesson before so it's quite a kick to get one from a player who actually played on the European Tour. The results aren't immediate but it gives me something to work on later. In the end I add just another seven points so I have to settle for a final score of 26 - five points short of a prize. It's a fair effort but disappointing given my start. Still, I have to say I enjoyed every minute of it on an extremely challenging course with some fantastic views.

My partners

Matt starts off by shanking and I've rarely seen a man look so disappointed in himself. "Of all the places to start doing it," he says, head bowed. But the sad, crushed, pathetic creature who fails to register a single point in his first three holes then comes alive. While Rowan and I putt out at the third green, Colin whisks Matt off to the fourth tee for a quick lesson. Regular Golf365 readers will be familiar with Matt's Guinea Pig column where he's trying to get his handicap down from 15 by opening himself up to all the help he can get, be it new technology or taking lessons from a mind coach. As you'd expect therefore he's an excellent learner and Colin's tip allows him to immediately cure his ills. He stiffs his approach to set up a tap-in birdie at the par 4 fifth and never looks back, ending up with a final score of 31. Enough to put him in the prizes? Read on!!

Colin, nursing a knee injury, isn't at full tilt but it's pretty obvious how good he is. He hits some drives a country mile, shaping them into the fairway and also chips in from a scary downhill lie at the 14th. He's incredibly entertaining too. He pep talks himself into good drives with profanities on the tee and is absolutely merciless in his ribbing of Matt's old, rickety clubs. But he has a great skill too - knowing exactly when to impart advice. It would be easy for him to say nothing. It would be just as easy, as an ex-pro, to be overbearing and fix every fault he sees. But he only steps in when it's obvious we're struggling or, in my case, when he's trying to encourage me to hit driver rather than stay in my hybrid comfort-zone which is okay for now but which will have to change if I want to start improving.

Rowan falls into the category of very nice bloke. He plays plenty of good shots and is generous in his praise of others. But it turns out he's a dark horse too. As Matt finds out later in the bar, Rowan spent three years in San Francisco in the late 60s and used to hang out with loads of bands. Argghh. Wish I'd known that. I love that particular era and whole West Coast sound and have a record/CD collection packed full of well known and very obscure groups from that time.

1930

After a five-hour round with the occasional burst of rainfall I'm in need of a shower so freshen up before the prize giving. After boring a few people about my "what might have been" round I soon realise that my tally of 26 is five too short. There's a clear winner with 37 but Matt's 31 is good enough for third place and a prize - a golf bag. It means the Golf365 team leave St Mellion with their heads held high.

2000

I'm a big fan of the Channel 4 show 'Come Dine With Me; and if I was in the back of a taxi giving my score for tonight's dinner in the 'An Boesti' restaurant I'd be holding up an 8. Or maybe even a 9. Absolutely my sort of food. A lovely smoked salmon starter, tasty beef strips in yummy sauce with a creamy mash potato and finished off with a delicious but light chocolate pudding. What the heck, I'm giving it a 9. By the way, 'An Boesti' is cornish for restaurant. On our table are a guy from the Daily Mirror and his girlfriend who, during the press golf tournament, got the chance to test out some of the leisure facilities (gym, spa, swimming pool - she even got free golf lessons). I can pass on extremely positive comments for everything she tried. Business development manager Regan reminds those with early flights that we're facing an alarm call at 4.45am so, given that I'm heading back to some irregular sleep patterns, I decide to turn in. Matt goes the distance though and ends up helping carry one drunken journalist back to his room.

Some final thoughts

It's easy just to trot out a list of platitudes when you've been wined and dined for free. But I found my St Mellion experience hugely enjoyable on all fronts. It can get creepy if people are trying too hard to butter you up but I thought all involved on this trip struck just the right tone in terms of friendliness and taking care of any requests. Any gripes or constructive criticism? Am struggling really but I would say the rooms would benefit from having Sky Sports on the TV. All I could find was Sky Sports News hidden away on Channel 83 and given that St Mellion will be hosting the 2011 English Open - due to be shown live on Sky Sports - it would be handy if you could have live European Tour golf in your rooms. Perhaps there are plans to do so. Secondly, some of the younger staff - many of them from the local universtity in Plymouth - know less about wine than I do. I'm not bothered about such things (their friendly manner is more important) but a pickier guest might be unimpressed by them turning the bottle round to show the label when asked what they're serving.

Perhaps the ultimate question is would I go back and recommend it to others? That's an easy one - a big yes on both fronts. It was pointed out by Jeff Chapman in the press launch presentation that St Mellion is within three to four hours (or a "tank of petrol") for 40million UK residents which means, car or plane (Air Southwest offers flights to nearby Plymouth from 11 different GB & Ireland airports) , it's very accessible. Having seen this place close up, I can't wait for the 2011 English Open and the chance to watch world-class golfers make bogeys on holes where I, a hacker, made par. But why wait until then. My wife is already pestering me to take her and the kids next time so when Steve Stricker wins the US Open next week it's St Mellion here we come!